For most women, trust is the most valuable component of the relationship. If she can trust him fully and completely, most of her relationship issues wouldn’t exist. This is why most women will have “honesty” as the first word that comes to mind after “funny” when they are asked what they are looking for in a guy. But the cold hard truth is that men lie. Women do too, of course, but men do it far more often and for much different reasons. If more women knew why men lied, it might keep them from getting hurt, and could even help them spot it sooner. In fact, knowing why men lie will also help women pick out the good apples from the bad. When women know why men are lying, not only might they feel more secure in their relationships, but maybe, just maybe, fewer fights will break out by the day’s end.
Why men lie
- Because he thinks he’s helping. A different wording to this reason is “Because he’s trying to avoid a fight.” Enter the age-old question, “Does this dress make me look fat?” and you understand this point in an instant. He can’t win this one, no matter how he answers. So he lies. What many women forget is that it doesn’t matter what his answer is; if he is with her, he thinks she’s beautiful whether she’s wearing that dress or one of the five she tried on before it. For him, bullet dodged.
- Because he has a fragile ego. Fragile, but large. Too large to tell you he has feelings, but fragile enough to remind you he is human once in a while. After Neil Simon wrote his play Come Blow Your Horn he went to work every day telling his wife he was working on his second play, when he wasn’t, and was too embarrassed to tell her otherwise.
- Because he wants to build up his ego. This lie occurs when he’s with men more frequently than when he’s with women. “I kept her up all night” or “I’m going to be making six figures any day now,” things like that. This simply goes back to the primate need of puffing himself up in front of other male members of the species. If women are around, these lies get even bigger. For example, he may tell the couple friends you are having dinner with that he can bench 250 too, and you may wonder what he’s talking about when he hasn’t been to the gym in five years.
- Because he’s just not that into you anymore. The most unfortunate reason of all: He is falling out of love. “No, sorry, won’t be able to call when I land, I don’t even know where I’ll be once the convention even starts.” Using qualifiers like “even” repeatedly, a higher pitch in his voice or a lack of details are clues that you are falling victim to this reason.
- Because he’s trying to get out of something. This will be a chore around the house, a new project at work, a new level of commitment with you. One of the top reasons women lie to men also. “No sorry, washing my hair that night.” Sound familiar?
- Because he can get away with it. Men may not always be great liars, but they aren’t stupid either. They will lie when they know they can get away with it. If he tells you that he graduated at the top of the class, he knows you aren’t going to check. This goes back to the ego booster as well.
- Because he truly believes you might turn into a psycho chick if he tells you the truth. Unfortunately, some women before you may have colored his perception of the opposite sex. You can’t blame him; his half has done the same to you, which is why you refer to many men you once dated as psychos or stalkers yourself. You can decrease your chances of becoming victim to this one by … never acting like a psycho chick. When he sees your calm, cool attitude all of the time, he will be more willing to be honest with you.
The bottom line is that men lie for self-preservation most of the time. Although you think his little white lies or big whoppers are reason enough to start a fight, that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid. And when that’s not the case, he’s doing so because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, even if you really deserve the truth, like, “my girlfriend thinks it’s time to break up.” Men aren’t as in touch with their emotive centers as women, so it’s not as easy for them to just open up and give it to you in real talk. When you know why he’s fibbing, though, it makes your job that much easier. And when he has a history with you knowing that you don’t go all loco when the truth comes out, he will be that much more willing in the future to give you just that.